Blood Gulch
by AlcatrazisGod
Summary: Sarge concocts a plan to overwhelm the Blue team by re-engineering the teleporter to forcibly bring more Red soldiers to Blood Gulch. The teleporter malfunctions however, causing only a young girl named Ruby to appear in the box canyon.
1. The Chicken Coop

_Note: Okay, I decided to write this story because I missed writing for RvB but I'm not ready to start working on the next arc in the Crimson series yet. I hope you guys enjoy, please leave your thoughts and all that good stuff._

* * *

**The Chicken Coop**

"_Men_," Sarge began as he stood in front of the teleporter on the roof of Red Base. Donut, Simmons, and Grif where lined up, facing Sarge while Lopez was working on the teleporter.

"I believe to day is the day we finally defeat the Blues," Sarge proclaimed. "Ugh," Grif began, "Can I take my break now?"

"Of course not," Sarge snapped, "You haven't even heard my fool proof plan to win this canyon!"

"Sir," Grif sighed, "With all due respect, it's not that I think any of your plans are fool proof, even though they are. But all of your crazy is schemes are next too, if not completely impossible to accomplish."

"Well, dead man you'll be happy to know we're just about to accomplish one of my plans," Sarge growled. Grif paused for a moment in shock, "_Really_!?"

"As you know," Sarge began, "We are locked in a stalemate with the Blues, and we need something amazing to bring us out on top!"

"Or we could just leave them alone," Grif interrupted. "Grif, shut up," Simmons snapped. "What do you have in mind, Sarge," asked a cheerful Donut.

"Well, I have Lopez re-engineering the teleporter so we can receive reinforcements!"

"_Ooh_, how does this work," Simmons asked with interest.

"We are currently programming the teleporter to scan the known universe for anyone where the color red, at which point it will teleport those people to us. We will have the greatest invasion force... of all time!"

"That has got to be the craziest idea I've ever heard," Grif announced. "Do you know how many people where red every day!? I mean seriously, we wont have an invasion force, we will just have brought a good percentage of the human race to some backwater canyon!"

"Exactly," Sarge retorted in a courageous manor, "The enemy will be so shocked, they wont even know what hit them!"

"Yes they will," Grif exclaimed, "It's kind of hard to miss that every unfortunate mother fucker that decided to wear red today randomly appears at your doorstep!"

"Oh man, this is gonna be so sweet," Donut squealed, "Maybe I'll meet someone who finally shares my love of interior decorating!"

Lopez sighed as he stood up and walked over to Sarge.

"You finished already," asked Sarge. "Si," Lopez replied with a nod, "Actually," he continued in a sarcastic tone. "I'm not finished. That is why I'm standing here instead of working on the teleporter which magically finished all of the work for me."

"Ha ha," Sarge chuckled, "Lopez, you always know just the thing to say." "Yeah, that was hilarious," Donut said as he assumed he understood what Lopez had actually said.

"Alright compadre," Sarge stated firmly, "Activate the portal!"

"It's already active, dumb ass," Lopez retorted as he pointed over to the glowing red portal.

"Lopez must speak such wisdom," Grif said, wondering what Lopez was saying. "Up yours, yellow guy," Lopez snapped.

At that moment, Caboose walked out from behind Simmons. "Hello," he said causally.

"What the," Sarge questioned, "What are you doing here ya damn, dirty Blue!?" "Oh, I was just wondering around when I thought I'd come see what you guys were doing," Caboose announced loudly.

"What we're doing is top secret over here," Sarge growled. Grif then let out a sigh and lowered his head, "We're about to teleport a bunch of people wearing red to the canyon," he admitted.

"Grif," Sarge exclaimed. "What," asked Grif in a careless manor, "It's just Caboose."

"Do not worry Mr. Sargent," Caboose began, "I can keep a secret!"

Caboose then ran over to the edge of the roof, "Church," he screamed, "Church! I'm sorry but I cant tell you about the Reds' secret plan to bring more Reds to the canyon!"

"Caboose," everyone shouted. "Oh sorry," said Caboose in disappointment with himself.

"Alright," Sarge began as the portal began to swirl rapidly from behind. "Um, Sarge," Grif began nervously as he backed away from the portal. "Shut up, Grif," Sarge snapped.

"Now," Sarge continued, "As I speak the teleport should be rounding up fellow Reds to join us in this last, great onslaught for Red freedom!"

At that point everyone except Sarge could clearly see a figure formulating from within the portal.

"It will only be a matter of time before our invasion force will be so massive, we can surgically destroy the Blues in an _epic_ crusade of justice and..."

Sarge would have continued but a young girl dressed in black and red clothes abruptly flew out of the teleporter and onto the ground.

"_See_," Sarge asked as everyone huddled around her, "There's one now!"

"Uh Sarge," Simmons said as he pointed to the teleporter. Everyone turned to see the red portal flickered completely out of sight. "That was cool," Donut announced with a gasp, "Does that mean the teleporter can teleport!?"

"It's like... _teleport-ception_," Grif exclaimed. "Maybe the teleporter got hungry, so it ate itself," Caboose announced.

"Am I the only one who's concerned about this chick who doesn't seem to be waking up," Lopez asked as he tried to draw their attention back to the strange girl who was still lying on the ground.

Donut then gasped again as the group looked back down to the stranger dressed in red. "Oh... my... _God_! I love those shoes," the pink soldier practically yelled.

"And that lace," Donut added, "This girl has all of the right fashion trends!"

"Quiet Donut," Sarge ordered. "Yes sir," Donut replied with a cheerful salute.

"I think she's dead," Simmons announced. "Maybe she's sleeping," Caboose exclaimed, "I had a feeling it would be nap time soon!"

"Oh damn it all," Sarge whined not only has the teleporter shorted out but all it gave us was a dead girl."

"She doesn't look dead," Grif informed. "Wait a minute," Caboose began, "I just realized we're all standing in a circle... _at the same time_!"

"She looks dead enough," Sarge retorted. "Why would the teleporter be fatal though," asked Simmons. "I had to apply an extra 2000 volts of electricity into the damn thing just to get the color to turn red," informed Sarge.

"Seriously," Grif said firmly, "Just check her pulse! I'm sure Caboose is right and she's just knocked out because of the voltage."

Everyone then looked at Grif awkwardly, even Caboose did to some extent. "Okay, I should rephrase that," said Grif.

"How do you check the pulse on a woman," asked Sarge. "Um," Simmons began with an unsure tone.

"You guys have got to be joking," Grif murmured, "She's just like us, all you have to do is..." Grif then realized he did not have the answer. "Huh," he stated, "How _do_ you check the pulse on a woman?"

"Oh," Caboose said abruptly, "I'll go ask Tucker!" With that said, Caboose jumped off of the roof and ran away while screaming in a frenzy.

The Reds remained quiet for a moment before an idea came to Sarge. "Okay," he began as he looked to his Spanish comrade. "Lopez! I want you to dig a grave for our fallen soldier, here."

"Dammit," Lopez muttered as he ran off to find a shovel.

"Great," Grif announced, "Can I go on my break now?" "No," Sarge snapped, "Now, pay attention because I've got another plan which is dedicated to breaking the enemy moral. I call it... Operation Dancing Orange Menace!"

"Ugh, of course," Grif murmured as he knew what was about to happen.

* * *

"Tucker," Caboose exclaimed while running up to the roof of Blue Base. "Dude, what the fuck is it," Tucker asked in a puzzled manor.

Caboose waited for a moment to catch his breath before continuing. "Tucker, we need you to check a lady's pulse!"

"Oh, hell yeah! Why didn't you say so," Tucker began with perversion. "Let me just go get my... pulse checking gloves... _Bow Chicka Bow Wow_!"

Tucker then paused as he thought on what Caboose was saying, "Wait a minute... Did you say, check her pulse? Does that mean she's dead?"

"She might be a little bit dead," Caboose announced with an assuring nod. "Aw gross, I was tempted to do mouth to mouth with corpse," Tucker whined.

"Hey," Caboose called out, "Where is Church?" "_Church_," Tucker asked and Caboose nodded, "He's taking a nap right now."

"What's going on up here," Sister asked as she walked up onto the roof. "Oh, hey Sis," Tucker began, "We were just talking about some chick who apparently passed out at Red Base." "There's another girl here," Sister questioned, "Who's passed out!? That's kind of hot!"

"Yeah," Tucker replied without fully processing what Sister had just said. "Wait... what!?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Sarge and Grif had taken the Warthog into a back area of the caves which Grif had never seen before. Strangely enough, Sarge had forced Grif to put on a large, chicken costume over his armor. "Why are we here," the orange soldier inquired. "Well that's a million dollar question, isn't it... dirt bag," Sarge retorted as he hopped out of the driver's seat.

"No I mean, what are we doing in this part of the caves?"

"We're about to turn the tide of the entire war," Sarge proclaimed with excitement. "I seriously doubt that sir," Grif replied with a sigh before following his superior.

Sarge led the way to a dark corner of the caves where a small shack was constructed out of sheet metal and chicken wire.

"Grif, what you are about to see is top secret," Sarge said in a hushed voice, "But for over twelve months. Lopez and I have been breeding an army of Mexican fighting roosters!" "Ugh, couldn't you have just taken Simmons to see your dirty little birds, rather than me?"

Sarge chuckled at the remark, "Of course not, dick weed! I wanted you hear to preform a very special job!"

"Wait," Grif exclaimed, "Are you saying that we had chickens out here yet we didn't eat a one!"

"Yes," Sarge confirmed. "Why the fuck wouldn't we make some chicken stir fry," Grif questioned. "That information is classified," Sarge informed with a growl.

"Can you at least explain why I have to wear this damn costume," asked Grif as he spread his wings apart.

"Because, dead man," Sarge retorted, "I'm gonna need someone to piss the roosters off and lead them back to the base!"

"Wait, what did you say," Grif asked slowly as he watched Sarge kick the door to the chicken coop open and run off as quickly as he could. "I trained them to hate the color orange," Sarge called out.

Grif turned back to the open coop and watched as an uncountable number of chickens exploded from the door.

"_Uh-oh_..."

* * *

The young girl in red squinted her eyes as she began to rouse from her assumed death. She was still lying on the roof as Lopez thought it would be a better idea to take a nap before burying her.

She soon opened her silver eyes and sat up. "What the," she asked in shock as she looked around to the desolated, box canyon.

"Where am I?"

The girl could then audibly hear the sound of loud mariachi music that Sarge would always play on the Warthog's radio.

She stood up and walked over to the edge of the roof where she noticed Donut and Simmons on the ground, facing away from her. The girl looked off to the left to see Sarge driving over a hill at a rapid pace and coming to a stop in front of the base.

"Sir," Simmons questioned, "Where is Grif?"

"He should be around any moment," Sarge stated as he leaped out of the car.

The group then noticed a figure which appeared to be Grif in a chicken costume, running at a rather rapid speed over the hill and fell down at Sarge's feet.

"Help me, Simmons," Grif pleaded and Simmons could visibly see scratches all along his back.

"What the fuck happened to you," he questioned.

Everyone soon heard large number of loud squawks and soon enough, an army of chickens ran down the hill. They quickly scattered about and began pecking the ground and Grif.

"Excuse me," the strange girl called out, causing everyone to turn to the roof where she was standing. Grif then stood up and remained as shocked, completely unaware that a chicken was standing on his head. "But, can you tell me where I am," she questioned further.

The soldiers stood quietly for a moment, and the chicken abruptly laid an egg on Grif's head.


	2. No More Room in Hell

___Note: I did not expect this story to become so popular in one day. I really like hearing all of your thoughts on the story so keep them coming._

* * *

**No More Room in Hell**

"Oh my God," Donut exclaimed in terror as the group watched the strange girl in red. "There's no more room in hell and now the dead are walking," he yelled before abruptly running around in circles while letting out several high pitched screams.

"Hell yeah, it's a zombie apocalypse with chickens," Grif cheered. "What," the girl asked while narrowing her silver eyes in confusion.

"I'm not a zombie I..." "By the stars," Sarge began in shock, "It can talk! Everyone, clear your thoughts," he ordered. "It can read your minds."

"What the fuck is going on out here," Lopez asked loudly as he walked out of the base.

"There better be a damn good reason as to why my chickens are running around, shitting all over the place," the Spanish robot informed in a threatening tone.

"Lopez," Sarge exclaimed, "I'm sure you're wondering about the chickens but I need them to defeat those damn dirty Blues, and now we've got a zombie running around our base!"

"For the last time I'm not a zombie," the girl called out, "My name is Ruby! Ruby Rose..."

"See I told you she was alive," Grif announced. "Believe it or not," Simmons began while he looked around to the chaotic landscape. "But I think it's more shocking that there are over two hundred chickens running around out here, and that's not counting the chicks. Than it is for a girl to be wandering around the base."

"You like em," asked Sarge, "Lopez and I call them, the Mexican Spartans!"

"I already told you how I feel about that name," Lopez informed. "But if it means I get my friends across the border then I guess it doesn't matter."

"Excuse me," Ruby called out. "Ugh," Grif began in annoyance, "What do you want, zombie!?"

"Can you guys tell me who you are and why I'm here," Ruby questioned. "Well, that's one of life's great mysteries isn't it," Grif asked.

* * *

Tucker was sitting on the edge of the roof when Church walked up from behind with a loud yawn.

"What's up sleeping beauty," Tucker asked as he kicked his feet around. "_Shut up_," Church growled and picked up his sniper rifle.

"Have the Reds been blaring that music again," asked Church. "Oh yeah," Tucker said with a sigh. "I've been standing here, trying to figure out what the fuck they're up too."

"_Church_," Caboose called out from behind. "Oh here we go," Church murmured as the two turned to the blue soldier.

"You would have no idea what I've done today," Caboose exclaimed. "Yeah that's great, Caboose," Church stated without interest.

"First," Caboose began excitedly which caused Church to sigh. "I went to find that little circus clown I see in my dreams all the time. But I ended up at Red Base! They were all talking, and stuff... there was a girl there. I never found the clown."

"Yeah," Tucker said slowly, "I'm in two minds about that last bit. On one hand, from what Caboose was able to tell me. Is they have got one fine ass woman over there. But on the other hand I'm pretty sure she's dead."

"I said she was sleeping," Caboose announced. "That's cool man," Tucker replied, "But I don't want to risk necrophilia out on one of your theories."

Caboose paused on this for a moment, allowing his brain time to process the words. "What does _theory_ mean," he questioned.

"Caboose," Church interrupted, "I'm surprised that out of everything that we have said. You asked what theory means rather than necrophilia or any other large word."

"Oh, I know what necrophilia means," Caboose informed. "Isn't that the thing where you take a horse and you..." "Okay dude," Tucker said loudly, "First of all... _Bow Chicka Bow Wow_! And secondly, stop talking!"

* * *

Meanwhile, the Red team had lined up on their roof and were now surrounding Ruby.

"Those shoes are totally _in_ right now," Donut announced before kicking a chicken away from his foot.

"Don't talk to her," Sarge ordered, "We have no idea what her motives for being here might be!"

"You brought her here," Grif exclaimed, "We are _literally_ her motives for being here." "Shut up, scum bag," Sarge snapped.

"Look, I didn't mean to cause any trouble," Ruby began nervously, "I just woke up here."

"Well it's a little late for that isn't it," Simmons asked loudly. "Sir, I think she's a spy," Simmons continued.

"Oh you are so full of shit," Grif retorted.

"Hey man," Simmons whispered, "If I have to kill a bitch to gain Sarge's respect. Then you can be sure I'll do it!"

"Hi there," the orange soldier continued, "My name's Grif. The guy next to me is Sarge, then Lopez, and over here is Simmons." Grif then pointed to the pink soldier standing towards the back, "And that over there is Donut."

"Tell me, Missy," Sarge began as he lowered his shotgun." "What's that big metal thingy on your back?" Ruby's face lit up and she immediately reached for the metal object strapped to her back.

"You mean my beautiful Crescent Rose," she said in pride and soon enough held out a large red scythe. She then quickly embraced the weapon.

"Uh," Sarge said in confusion, "I'm a big fan of my shotgun, but I'm not _that_ big of a fan." "What the fuck," asked Grif, "It's just some big ass scythe. Does it do anything cool?"

"Of course it does," Ruby replied before stabbing the scythe in the ground. "You're gonna fix that later," Sarge growled.

At that moment, a bullet was launched from the front of the scythe and hit Grif in the leg.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ruby said in a panic as everyone watched Grif fall to the ground while screaming. "I wasn't trying to aim for you."

"Don't apologize," Sarge interjected, "Because that was the most beautiful thing I've saw since I shot Grif in the ass with my buck shot! And now you're an official member of the Red team. Best damn team in the entire canyon."

"That's debatable," Lopez muttered.

"Oh, cool," Ruby stated in an enthusiastic tone. "Ow, I can't feel my leg," Grif exclaimed while he rolled around on the ground. "I'm sorry," Ruby replied in disappointment.

"Sounds like someone needs a doctor," a familiar voice called from behind. Everyone immediately turned to see Doc standing a few feet away.

"Doc," Simmons questioned in shock. "Hey guys," Doc replied cheerfully.

"Doc, what the fuck are you doing here," Grif questioned. "Oh, hey Doc," Donut called out, "I _love_ that color on you!"

"Hey," said Doc and turned to Ruby. "Hi there, I don't know who you are but my name is Frank DuFrense, Medical Officer _Super_ Private First Class! I'm the best medic in all of Blood Gulch."

"Just call him Doc," Simmons called out. "Hi, I'm Ruby," the silver eyed girl said cheerfully. "And another thing," Grif added, "What's with all that crap about you being the best medic in Blood Gulch?"

"Uh, because I'm the only medic," Doc retorted. "Yeah," said Grif, "You might be the only medic but even _that_ didn't make you the best in Blood Gulch."

"So," Ruby stated to regain attention, "I'm hungry, do you guys have any cookies or anything like that?"

"No," Simmons replied as he scolded the orange soldier. "Every time we get cookies, Grif eats them all before we even know they're here!"

"If you're hungry," Donut announced, "I think there's some barbeque sauce left in the refrigerator." "Is that all you guys eat out here," Ruby questioned with a concerned expression.

"Only when command forgets to restock our supplies," Simmons informed, "But fortunately we'll be getting all of that good stuff sometime today or tomorrow."

"If you ladies are done," Sarge interrupted, "I think I have the perfect plan."

* * *

After a few moments the Warthog flew over the hill and parked about sixty yards from Blue Base.

Sarge and Ruby then stepped out of the vehicle while several chickens came running down the hill in their direction.

"Hey Blues," Sarge yelled out, "Prepare for your sudden extinction. Here with me lies the destruction of your evil blue ways!"

"Holy shit Tucker, look at this," said Church as he was watching these events transpire from the scope of his sniper rifle.

"What, are the Reds attacking again," asked Tucker. "I think so," Church replied in a curious manor. "Oh my God Tucker," Church said in amazement. "What, what is it," the teal soldier questioned. "Dude, there is like, a hundred live chickens over there," Church informed. "_Mm_, sounds like dinner to me," Tucker relied. Church then found something odd standing next to Sarge, "And that chick is with them too."

"_Really_," Tucker asked in shock, "Wait a minute," he exclaimed as he bent over to see along the horizon. "Oh shit I see her," Tucker said with perversion. "God _damn_, that girl needs to lose the skirt and show me that tight ass," Tucker informed.

"Wait a second, Tucker," Church said nervously as he zoomed in on the unfamiliar girl. "She looks a little... _underage_." A few moments of silence would pass before Church looked over to his left, "Tucker," he asked but nobody except Caboose was in sight.

"This could end very badly, very quickly," Church announced to himself. The cobalt soldier then sighed and threw the sniper rifle to Caboose, "I'll be right back," he called out as he ran off. "Watch our backs! If you see some weird shit, let me know."

"Okay," Caboose called back.

Church continued to run out of the base, "It's a fucked up world when you have to rely on _Caboose_ to watch out for you," Church said in his mind.

"Yo," Tucker called out as he ran up to Sarge and Ruby. "Hey baby, whats your name," he questioned.

"Me? I'm Ruby Rose."

"Oh yeah," Tucker asked, "Wait," he said quietly to himself, "What the fuck, kind of name is that!?"

Tucker then stopped as he realized that Ruby looked a little on the young side. At that moment a smaller, slightly transparent teal soldier appeared on his shoulder. "Oh, hey logical Tucker," he said and looked over to his left shoulder where another Tucker stood.

"Whats up lazy Tucker?" "Dude," logical Tucker began, "I know we're just your conscience and all, but you've got to listen to me this time!"

"Yeah listen to him so we can go get some deep fried chicken," lazy Tucker stated without interest. "So why are you guys here," Tucker asked. "I'm here to say that chick looks pretty young for you to be hitting on her," logical Tucker informed.

"What makes you say that," Tucker questioned, "I think she's just petite. And let me tell you, I'd like to make a couple porn parodies with her!"

"_Bow Chicka Bow Wow,_" all three Tuckers stated simultaneously. "So how old do you think she is," asked Tucker. "Why the hell do we even care? I just want some beer," lazy Tucker exclaimed.

"I'd say she looks about fourteen or fifteen," logical Tucker said, completely ignoring lazy Tucker.

"Ah, fuck off guys I can handle this," Tucker said confidently and with that the two characters from his conscience disappeared.

"Why are you just standing there," asked Sarge.

Tucker quickly snapped back to reality and turned to Ruby, "So you said your name was Ruby?" The girl in red nodded with a cheerful smile.

"How old are you," he asked while Church ran up to his side. "Uh, I'm fifteen," she replied. Church then turned to see a rather disappointed Tucker. "Wow," the teal soldier said slowly, "I'm gonna go lie down."


	3. Everybody's Hitler

**Everybody's Hitler**

"No they're not," Simmons said with a roll of his eyes. "Yes," Grif corrected as he, Donut, Lopez, and Simmons were standing out at the front of Red Base, waiting Sarge and Ruby to return.

"Everybody on the planet, has the _potential_ to look like Hitler," Grif declared while raising his right index in the air.

"Ah, that's not true," Simmons said dismissively. "Yes it is," Grif retorted, "All I have to do is grow a small mustache, and cut my hair into a comb over and _boom_! Hitler."

"I agree with Simmons," Donut announced, "I mean, sure the guy had a pretty generic face but everybody looks different."

"You know what," Grif began as he took out a sharpy and grabbed Donut's left shoulder. "Come here Donut," he stated loudly, "Give me your face!"

"_Bow Chicka Bow Wow_," Tucker's voice echoed from the other side of the canyon.

"How the fuck did he hear that," Grif asked. He then scribbled the marking across Donut's helmet, creating a small mustache.

Donut stumbled back for a moment and immediately gasped when he saw Simmons. "What happened to Simmons," he asked in a whisper as the mustache over his helmet looked like it was on Simmons from Donuts point of view.

"Simmons is right there," Lopez informed. "I know Lopez," Donut said in shock, "Simmons suddenly disappeared, and now... Hitler is back! This must all have to do with the portal. Oh... my... God!"

Simmons then turned to Grif with a scold, "Nice going, I think your plan just backfired."

Donut then turned to Grif and his shocked expression only grew. "Grif," the pink soldier began. "You're Hitler too."

"What," Grif questioned, "I look nothing like Hitler." This comment caused Simmons to covertly snicker at his latter.

"Hitler wasn't orange," Grif continued before turning to Simmons curiously. "Wait a minute... I've only seen black and white pictures of him." "So," Simmons asked, "You're right though, Hitler didn't wear orange armor." "But he could have worn orange armor," Grif said as he contemplated this issue, "Simmons, do you think Hitler was from _Jersey_?"

* * *

"Oh my God," Church said with a sigh as he and Tucker had decided to return to the roof of Blue Base. "_Fuck_, I wish those two would just attack already," Tucker announced.

"_Now_," Sarge yelled out while Ruby was sitting on the ground playing with chicken that was running around in circles..

"I think for an appropriate surrender one of you should admit that the Blues suck and the Reds rule!"

Sarge then paused and looked down to Ruby, "Okay, what do you want?" "Uh, do they have any cookies," asked Ruby with a scratch of her head.

"We want some cookies too," Sarge called out. "Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me, Red," Church exclaimed from the distance.

"Man, are they still out their," asked Sis as she walked onto the roof.

"Oh yeah, those fuckers are here to stay," Tucker informed. "Hey, is that the new chick on Red Team," Sis questioned further. "_Huh_... uh, yeah that's here," Church replied with a lack of interest into what Sis had to say.

"Damn, she's kind of hot," Sis announced which caused Church to slowly turn to her in horror. "I'm surprised your not out their hitting on her," Sis said as she looked over to Tucker.

The teal soldier abruptly started crying and started running around in circles. "Did I hit a nerve," asked Sis. "That's a touchy subject," Church informed.

Tucker soon ran a little to wide in his circle and fell over the edge.

Somehow, Tucker had managed to fall in Caboose's arms who was standing on the ground, whistling. "Oh," Caboose began as he noticed that he had instinctively caught Tucker. "Hello," he continued and suddenly dropped Tucker to the ground.

"Dude," Tucker questioned from the ground, "Why the hell are you holding your hands out like that?" "You never know when a cloud can fall from the sky," Caboose informed, "And if they do... I will be the one to save him."

"I'm just gonna pretend that makes some sort of sense," said Tucker just before a large rooster flew on top of him and attacked his helmet.

"Ah, what the fuck," he yelled and threw the bird off of himself.

"Church," Tucker yelled, "Yeah, are you alright down there," asked Church.

"I'm fine, hey where is the flamethrower at," Tucker inquired as he stood up and dusted himself off. "I think it's in the hole," Church informed, "Wait, why do you need the flamethrower?" "Cause I'm gonna make us some fucking KFC tonight," Tucker announced with a snicker.

"Oh, well if your going to use it then you'll need to find some fuel for it," Church called out. "Aw man," Tucker said in disappointment as he scanned the surrounding area, "Where the hell will I find fuel?"

* * *

"Whew, that was close," Donut announced. Everyone turned to him to see he was no longer wearing his armor. The only thing he currently had on was his helmet, pink underwear, and pink socks.

"What the hell," asked Grif, "Where is your armor?" "Oh, my armor was Hitler," Donut said with a dismissive wave. "Donut, you do know that we drew a mustache on your helmet right," asked Simmons in a curious tone, "And what your seeing isn't actually Hitler?"

"Whoa," Donut began in a whisper while he pointed a trembling finger at Lopez, completely ignoring Simmons. "My God... Hitler's a Mexican," Donut murmured in shock.

"This is bullshit," Lopez announced, "I'm gonna reset the coordinates on the teleporter for deep space and throw that girl into it," he said and ran off.

"Look at that," Donut exclaimed and pointed to the sky, "Hitler can fly!" "That's it," Grif said in annoyance, "Simmons, go get me a wet paper towel so I can wipe that mustache off his face."

Simmons sighed before following Lopez into the base. Donut quickly glanced around and his eyes locked on a rock. "That rock is _Hitler_," he said in a dramatic tone.

Donut then looked up to the sun, regardless of how painful it was. "Grif, do you see that," he questioned in horror, "Hitler is on fire!"

Donut immediately stopped in his tracks as he came to a realization. "Holy crap! What if... _I'm_ Hitler!? Dun, dun, _dun_!"

"_Surely_, this day can't get any more annoying than it already is," Grif said with a sigh.

* * *

"Give it up Blues," Sarge exclaimed, "There is no chance for retaliation..." he cut himself off as he noticed Caboose walking up to him.

"What do you want, Caboose," Sarge asked in a scolding tone.

"Uh, I just came to meet the new person," he said loudly and turned to Ruby. "Hello new person." "Hi," Ruby said with a cheerful wave.

"Sarge," Donut called out as he ran up from behind. "Donut," Sarge asked in a yell, "What in Sam hell are you doing without your armor!? And what's that black thing on your helmet?" "No time to explain sir," Donut informed as he tried to catch his breath.

Donut soon calmed down and stood upright. "Sarge, I need a microphone, spray paint, and about 20 million barrels of petroleum!"

"Oh," Sarge began calmly as if these were normal things to ask for. "Well why didn't you just say so? The petroleum is stashed in the cave, I have more than enough to use so help yourself. You can find a microphone in Simmons' closet, just don't tell him I keep it in there. And the spray paint should be in storage."

"Thanks, Sarge," Donut replied and ran off towards Red Base. Sarge let out an amused chuckle as he watched the pink soldier disappear over the hills.

"That little rascal, I wonder what he's up too now."

Sarge then turned back to face Caboose. "What did you want again?" "Oh," Caboose began and looked at Ruby. "I just wanted to tell the new person that Church is my best friend... and _no_ one else's," he said the last part in an intimidating tone.

"Church does not want to be your friend because he is my friend!" "Okay, whatever you say," Ruby said nervously.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lopez and Doc where busy working on the teleporter. "So, why did you need me here again," asked Doc. "Because I need a human test subject. So it might as well be someone nobody cares about," Lopez informed. "Oh, thanks man, I really admire your care and compassion," Doc announced cheerfully, only assuming Lopez had given him a complement.

The teleporter soon flickered on and Doc immediately noticed a shadowy figure moving around on the other side of the portal.

"Uh, _Lopez_," he said nervously, "I think someone is coming in on the other side."

"The fuck are you talking about," Lopez asked in a groan as stepped in front of the teleporter. As soon as he did another girl in black and white clothing, amber eyes, black hair, and a black bow in her hair stepped out of the portal.

"What the fucking shit," asked Lopez. The girl was disorientated at first and accidentally knocked the bow off of her head, revealing what appeared to be cat ears. She finally settled down and looked at the two soldiers in front of her. "Who are you," she questioned.

Doc then let out a high pitched scream at the horrifying sight and Lopez immediately rushed her. He quickly pushed the girl back into the teleporter and ran to the side panel before shutting it down.

"What was that thing," Doc breathed, "It was like some sort of cat, monster, woman!"

"I think Donut was right," Lopez announced, "There must be no more room in hell so now we have to deal with screwed up things like that. Doc, if you see that again, we need to kill it with fire."

"I don't know what you just said," Doc informed which caused Lopez to growl. "But when you turn the teleporter back on just be sure to reset the coordinates."

"Si," Lopez nodded.

"Doc," Donut called and ran up to the roof, "Doc!" "Hey Donut," Doc replied. "Doc, I need your help," Donut exclaimed.

"What do you need my help with," asked Doc. "I'm gonna start a new geopolitical movement and I need a right hand man," said Donut. "Okay," Doc replied, "I've always wanted to be an activist! So what are we doing first?"

* * *

Grif walked into the main room of the base where Simmons was cleaning the floors. "_Grif_, don't bring those nasty boots in here," he exclaimed, "They're tracking mud all over the floor!"

"Dude," Grif began, "You wont believe the big ass chicken I saw outside. _God_, that thing was mean. I barely got out of there alive. I had to use my last hand grenade so can I borrow one of yours?"

"No, fat ass," Simmons retorted, "Just walk over to the armory and grab a couple."

"But the armory is so freaking far," Grif exclaimed with a loud and tired sigh. "Bullshit, you're just lazy," Simmons retorted. "Duh," Grif said without interest before walking across the main room, to his quarters. "Dammit Grif, I told you not to walk in here," Simmons shouted as he stared at the line of mud in front of him.

"Fuck you," Grif called back.

* * *

Caboose walked up to Church who was still watching Ruby and Sarge from the roof. "Hello," Caboose stated.

"Hey Caboose, what have you been up too," Church questioned as he lowered his sniper rifle.

"Oh, well first I woke up and I had some peanuts for breakfast. Then I walked outside and I tried to catch falling clouds. And that's the story of my day!"

"Wow," Church began, "This day has been so fucked up... I was actually interested in what you had to say."


	4. Rise of the Lightish Redist Party

**Rise of the Lightish Redist Party**

Tucker walked up to Sarge, who was still making demands from the top of the hill.

"Yo Sarge," he shouted with the flamethrower in his right arm.

"What are you doing ya worthless Blue," Sarge questioned in a growl. "Dude, Sarge I need some fuel. Maybe... four of five pints."

"Why in the hell would I give you fuel," asked Sarge. "I want to deep fry one of these damn chickens as quickly as possible!"

"Well even if I was willing to give you any fuel I still couldn't," Sarge informed, "I'm letting Donut use it all."

"What," Tucker asked in shock, "What the fuck would _Donut_ need all of that oil for!?"

Sarge then pointed off in the distance to a corner of the cave where Donut stood on a large rock. He was wearing a pink uniform with a pink leather strip running across his torso. He also wore a pink armband on his right arm, with a large white dot on the side. At the center of the white circle was a picture of Donut's helmet.

Behind him along the cliff hung two large, pink and white banners with the same picture at the center. In front of Donut was a rock which was crudely spray painted pink. Doc sat on top of the rock wearing a similar armband, and towards the right lied a dead rat, and a skull covered in dirt.

Donut took a deep breath and firmed his stance on the rock. "The sixth minute has passed since I have put this outfit on. And my God, is it not _fabulous_," Donut exclaimed but cleared his throat to get back on track. "We are gathered here to celebrate the birth of the Lightish Redist Party of Blood Gulch!"

Doc immediately took out a tape recorder and pressed the red button on the top; playing a recording of a loud audience cheering and chanting.

Several roosters gathered around Donut to figure out what all of the commotion was about.

"I am proud to announce," Donut exclaimed, "That by the dictations of our party. The word _pink_, will never be used again!"

Doc immediately gave a loud clap but silenced himself as he was the only one clapping. Probably due to the fact that he was the only other living thing in that corner other than Donut.

"We're tired of it! It's not pink, it's lightish red! And we're not gonna take it anymore," Donut exclaimed loudly while pointing an aggressive right index in the air.

Doc played the recording again while Donut threw his right hand in the air while his hand turned downward, to salute his new movement. "Heil myself," Donut announced.

"What the fuck," Tucker questioned from a distance as he, Sarge, and Ruby were still watching Donut's little rally.

"Ew, that looks like fun," Ruby informed before running off in Donut's direction.

Sarge and Tucker then turned back to each other. "So," Sarge began, "You still wanna use that oil?" Tucker growled to himself in irritation, "No," he said with defeat in his voice. "I'll just go get it somewhere else."

"Alright," Sarge stated as he returned to facing off with the Blue Base. "Now, where was I?"

"You were just demanding an army of giant robots that shoot lasers out of their eyes," Church called out from the other end of the canyon.

"Oh," Sarge replied with a chuckle, "Of course I was. Now I want the lasers to be red, and they need to be_ at least_ five million feet tall!"

Ruby walked up to where Donut's rally was being held but stopped as she noticed a sign in front of her which read:

_"Da Fuhrer's Din"_

There was another sign below that one which read:

_"No __Communists or __Girls Allowed!"_

Ruby lowered her head in disappointment with a loud groan but quickly noticed yet another sign reading:

_"Except Ruby."_

"Oh, cool," Ruby said and ran past the sign. She stood just behind the dead rat and was immediately scolded by Donut.

"Uh Ruby," Donut questioned, "What are you doing in the Fuhrer's Din?"

"But the sign said I could come in," Rube retorted in confusion as she pointed her right thumb over her shoulder.

"Yes," Donut confirmed with a nod, "But there was a sign just under that one that said... _JK, Just kidding_!"

Ruby groaned and bowed her head once more before walking away. "Yeah, get outta here," Donut called out, "Freaking communist woman!"

On the top of the right hand cliff of the box canyon, a soldier in red armor stood on a rock and looked downwards.

"Is this the holy lands for which the prophecies have for told," the zealot questioned himself. "If so, then by the flag I must find the chosen one! The one they call... _Fuhrer_."

* * *

Meanwhile, Lopez was busy working on the teleporter when a large and rather aggressive rooster abruptly lunged for his head, and began flogging him rapidly.

"Ah, get the fuck off me," Lopez exclaimed as he grabbed the rooster by the foot and threw it off into the canyon.

"Goddamn asshole roosters," Lopez growled and returned to his work, "I should have never fed them those radioactive steroids for two weeks straight!"

Lopez then shuttered as he remembered what happened when he gave one of the roosters a larger dose than he should have.

* * *

_(Flashback)_

Lopez was struggling due to the fact that he was literally in a headlock under the right wing of a mutated, and overgrown rooster. The bird was not squawking but was gurgling in a demonic manor; as it continued to punch Lopez's head with its left wing.

Meanwhile, Sarge was watching this entire even transpire from a safe distance. "Come on, Lopez," Sarge cheered, "Put your back into it! You've gotta grunt and growl or you'll never scare our mighty birds into submission!"

"Why can't you just fucking shoot it," Lopez choked.

* * *

_(Present Day)_

"Ugh, that thing nearly ripped my damn head off," Lopez informed himself.

He continued to work for sometime, until Tucker ran up to him. "Yo," Tucker began but quickly realized who it was. "Aw, shit I can't understand your ass," Tucker whined.

"Fuck off, Blue," Lopez growled, "Can't you see I'm working here?"

"_Dammit_," said Tucker, "You wouldn't happen to know where any extra fuel is, would you?" "Talk to Donut," Lopez informed, knowing Tucker was unable to understand him. "He has all the oil for whatever crazy phase he's going through now."

At that moment the teleporter flickered on and Tucker could visibly see a shady figure coming through it.

"Uh Lopez," Tucker said nervously and Lopez ran over to the front of the teleporter. "Oh, God is another freak coming through," asked Lopez. "I swear to God if it's George Washington again I'm gonna fucking throw down!"

Soon enough, a woman with blond hair, a brown vest, and light purple eyes walked out with a shocked expression. "Uh," she stated slowly as she looked around to the odd and unexpected scene.

"Oh, _damn_ girl," Tucker immediately exclaimed while he eyed her up. "Where am I," the woman asked in shock.

"I can tell you where you need to by," Tucker said with perversion in his voice. "On top of me, _Bow Chicka Bow Wow_!"

She then looked over to Tucker, "And what's your name," she questioned which caused Tucker to back away.

"What the hell, that worked," he asked himself aloud. "What," asked the blond woman in confusion.

"Oh my God there's only one explanation," Tucker exclaimed. "I'm in the mother fucking Twilight Zone!"

"What are you talking about," the woman asked but was ignored as Tucker immediately jumped off of the roof and ran off into the canyon.

"Help me, Rob Sterling," Tucker screamed and abruptly started running around in circles.

Before the woman could say anything else, Lopez grabbed her by the shoulder and threw her back into the teleporter.

"I'm sick of all of these damn illegals," Lopez exclaimed. He then promptly walked over and shut the teleporter off.

* * *

Ruby continued to walk through the canyon, looking for anyone to talk to. "Surely I can make at least _one_ friend in this place," Ruby informed herself.

Ruby then spotted Red Base and quickly gained an idea. "I bet that maroon guy, and the yellow guy are somewhere around here."

She soon stepped inside the base and noticed Simmons was still polishing the floors. He had already cleaned all of the mud Grif had tracked in earlier.

"Excuse me," she questioned, "But your name is Simmons right?" This caused Simmons to growl in annoyance, "Yes," he answered. "I thought you and Sarge were attacking the Blues," he informed.

"Oh, he is still out there. I just came by to meet everyone," said Ruby.

"Nice to meet you, again," Simmons retorted and continued to polish the floors. "Um," Ruby said nervously, "Where did the yellow guy go?"

"You mean Grif," asked Simmons and Ruby nodded. "I think he's in the armory... which is the door right behind me. And for the record, his armor is orange, not yellow."

"Oh right," Ruby stated and walked forward but stopped as she noticed Simmons extend his arm her way. "Don't even _think_ about tracking mud on my nice clean floors."

"I'm sorry," Ruby replied and carefully walked around the area Simmons was cleaning. She soon reached the doorway to the armory and opened it up. Sure enough, Grif was sitting on a bench, loading an assault rifle.

"You're Grif, right," Ruby asked. "Yeah," Grif said without looking at her, "And you're the chick who shot me in the leg with that sniper... scythe... _thing_."

"I'm really sorry about that," Ruby said in disappointment as she dropped her shoulders hopelessly. "_Hey_, it made Sarge happy," Grif reminded.

"_So_... what are you doing with all of those weapons," Ruby inquired and kicked the ground nervously.

"Well, as you probably already know, Donut has gone crazy and it's my fault so now I have to go and stop him."

"Okay, can I help," asked Ruby. "No," Grif said blatantly as he cocked his assault rifle and headed for the door. "I was just trying to make friends," Ruby murmured. "That's great," Grif said with a lack of interest, "Normally I wouldn't be such an ass but I really don't have time for this. Mostly because I've gotta go and stop World War 3 from breaking out."

Grif then looked to the ceiling in a pondering manor, "_Oh_, and possibly a second holocaust. But if you want to make friends then I suggest you go and talk to Caboose. He's a little more your speed."

"Caboose," Ruby questioned with a tilt of her head, "Is he one of the blue guys?"

"Yeah," Grif assured, "And trust me, you'll know him when you see him. Oh, and try to stay away from Church. He's a freaking asshole."

With that said, Grif left the room completely. Leaving Ruby to contemplate this idea of Caboose.

"Dammit Grif," Simmons exclaimed from the other room. "Why the fuck are your feet so dirty!?"

"_Bow Chicka Bow Wow_," Tucker's voice echoed from across the canyon, for everyone at Red Base to here.

"Goddamn, he's got good hearing," Grif announced in amazement.

* * *

Elsewhere, Donut was still speaking to the audience consistent of dead things, and Doc. All until the little red zealot walked up.

"Hello," Donut greeted in a deep voice.

"Are you," the zealot began, "The Fuhrer of which the prophecy foretells?"

"Yes," Donut confirmed proudly, although he had no idea what prophecy the zealot was speaking of.

"I am Fuhrer Donut... and this is the Lightish Redist Party!"

The zealot then bowed in both shock and awe. "My Fuhrer," he stated in pride, "I will bring you an army of followers! We will fore fill this great prophecy together!"


	5. When Pink Falls, Part I

_Note: Due to the demand for more Ruby characters to be included I have decided to give one more, a full part in this story rather than a simple cameo. Love reading the reviews, and I hope you all are still enjoying this._

* * *

**When Pink Falls, Part I**

"This is retarded," Lopez stated as he contentiously pressed several buttons on the side of the teleporter.

"Why is it, that every time I set the coordinates for the moon, Frank Sinatra shows up?"

Lopez turned a switch and the teleporter flickered on. He walked over to the front side of it and waited. "Oh God, someone else is coming," he groaned as he noticed a shadow rapidly moving forward.

Eventually, a boy in strange armor, with blond hair, and blue eyes, fell out of the teleporter and landed face first on the ground.

"The fuck," asked Lopez while he watched the boy stand up slowly.

"Oh no," he asked timidly, "Where am I." "You're in hell," Lopez stated, knowing the boy could not understand him.

"Uh... hi," the boy replied as he finally took notice into Lopez. "My name is Jaune."

"I don't care what your name is," Lopez retorted. "Now if you don't get out of here I'm gonna beat you."

"Is there anyone around here," Jaune began, "Who... might speak English?" "Yes," Lopez replied and took out his assault rifle, "I'm sure you'll understand this."

Lopez then abruptly hit Jaune with the stock of his weapon, causing the boy to shriek and tumble back into the teleporter.

The teleporter switched off however, as soon as Jaune fell back through it. Lopez tilted his head curiously, "That wasn't suppose to happen. _Weird_..."

Before Lopez could move any further the teleporter flipped back on and out came a man in a dark green suit, white hair, and holding a walking cane.

"Get out of here old man," Lopez growled. "What is this place," the man asked calmly. "Get out," Lopez exclaimed and grasped the man's green scarf.

The man immediately hit Lopez upside the head with his cane, causing the Spanish robot to fall to the ground. "Ow," Lopez stated before the man hit him again with the cane.

The man then looked up, "My name is Ozpin, by the way," he stated and examined the canyon. "This must have been the place, Blake and Yang were ranting about. I wonder if this would be the same location where Ruby has disappeared too."

Ozpin quickly took notice into the chickens that were now swarming the unfamiliar face. "Why is there so much live poultry here," he questioned.

* * *

Meanwhile, the zealot had brought back a large number of his friends as promised. They all huddled around Donut and Doc while wearing pink armor and matching armbands.

They had failed to notice a green portal open above them and Jaune fall to the ground just a few feet away from the crowd.

"Ow, that hurt," Jaune whined but quickly gained an awkward expression as he saw the rally taking place ahead of himself.

"Huh," he asked and stood up.

Jaune watched as Doc stepped up to a microphone made out of pink cardboard. "Now, our Fuhrer speaks," he stated cheerfully before jumping off of the rock.

The crowd of pink zealots cheered and waved pink flags with Donut's face printed on them. One of the zealots was so excited he threw up his helmet rather loudly.

Donut stepped up onto the rock and saluted himself, causing the crowd to fall dead silent.

"This world," Donut began flamboyantly. "Is becoming more lightish red with every passing moment. Thanks to my, Minster of the Interior," he said and pointed to the ground where a dead rat lied in the scorching sun. "And my head of military affairs," Donut continued and pointed to the leading zealot who gave proud bow.

"Have successfully created a surplus of tanks, and ammunition for our conquest of Blood Gulch, and soon the world!"

"Heil Fuhrer Donut," the crowd chanted loudly.

"Now," Donut stated after the audience simmered down. "While I have you all here, we need to talk about these new uniforms I've designed because they... are... _fabulous_!"

"Oh," Doc began, "You were telling me about them earlier. "Yes, I was," Donut replied. "The new uniforms are super sexy, and they have frills! _~Teehee_."

"The world will be bathed in our holy frills," the lead Zealot proclaimed. "_Wait_," another zealot called out from the back of the crowd.

Everyone turned to him and immediately noticed that he was pointing violently at Jaune. "It's an outsider, trying to infiltrate our movement," the lead Zealot screamed. "By the hands of our holy Fuhrer, you shall be cleansed in our barrage of lightish red bullets!"

"Oh boy," Donut said in an almost creepy tone, "Our bullets are _so_ hot. You wont even know what hit ya!"

"Uh-oh," Jaune said nervously.

* * *

Ruby was walking towards Blue Base when she heard someone running up behind her. She turned around and was shocked to see an all too familiar face fleeing from Donut's war machine; which was consistent of ten pink tanks, and around 1500 pink zealots.

"_Ruuubyyy_," Jaune screamed and as he came into range he leaped into her arms in a frenzy. Ruby was able to catch him on instinct.

"They're gonna kill me," Jaune cried rapidly, "They think I'm here to ruin there party and now there gonna eat me!"

"They're not going to eat you," Ruby assured but immediately ducked just before the large round of a tank fired out, nearly hitting her in the head.

"Although it might be a good idea to regroup elsewhere," Ruby announced before dropping Jaune and running off to Blue Base.

Tucker walked up to Church who was watching Donut's mobilizing zealots coming closer.

"What the fuck was that explosion about," asked Tucker. "Uh, Tucker..." Church said hesitantly as he lowered his sniper rifle. "We have got a very big problem."

Soon enough another tank shot a round at Blue Base, gaining a direct hit on the wall.

Caboose and Sister then ran up to the roof and towards Church and Tucker.

"Whoa," Caboose began, "I had no idea, opening a bag of Fruit Gushers would be this explosive." "_What_," asked Tucker, "Have you been eating my fucking Gushers again!?" "Only the strawberry ones," Caboose assured.

"Bitch, that's my favorite flavor," Tucker exclaimed.

"That wasn't a goddamn Gusher," Church said firmly, "It's the tanks that keep shooting at us!" "Oh yeah," Tucker reminded himself in a curious tone, "Why are they shooting at us again?"

"I don't know," Church admitted, "But I think it might have something to do with Donut and Doc running around all day."

"_Hey_," a voice called out from behind. The three turned to see both Ruby and Jaune had also retreated to the roof of Blue Base.

"You're that chick who just joined the Red Team," said Church. "I guess I joined them," Ruby replied in confusion.

"Ugh, Ruby," Jaune nagged, "Aren't you going to fight those pink guys off?" "I was about too," Ruby informed, "I just wanted a higher area to attack from."

"Attention Blue Team," Donut's voice rang out from the ground area of the canyon. The group soon realized, Blue Base was completely surrounded.

Doc and Donut stood just a few feet away from the bunker while the rest of Donut's war machine patrolled the perimeter.

"Hey guys," Doc said with a cheerful wave. "Donut," Church exclaimed in shock, "Where the hell did you get ten fucking tanks!?"

"We made em," Donut admitted, "We built several buildings in the caves for mass land production. We've also got fourteen fighter jets, and over forty battleships!"

"Holy shit," Tucker shouted, "Wait... why would you need battleships if there is no ocean around here?"

"Because I wanted them," Donut retorted. "Yeah," Doc agreed, "I've been in charge of the blueprints and we've been able to develop a completely Eco friendly surplus!"

"Why are you here Donut," Church asked loudly. "Because," Donut replied. "You guys are holding a fugitive of the Lightish Red Army. And tensions are rising between us!"

Church and Tucker glanced at each other in confusion. "What tensions have been rising between us, we haven't done shit to you," Church exclaimed. "And if you want the two that just came up here, then you can have them!"

"Uh, I think we're just gonna invade you anyway," Donut informed, "After all we are here. It would be rude to show up and not invade."

"Oh my God Donut," Tucker sighed. "You've literally gone mad with pretend power." "Oh yeah, well you're a racist," Donut retorted.

"How in the hell does that even make since," Tucker inquired slowly as his mind could no longer process the illogical argument.

"Donut's right," Doc agreed. "Yeah," Donut assured with a nod. "Just because we wear lightish red armor, you think you know us just like that!"

"Shut up, Donut," Church snapped. "That's _Fuhrer_ Donut, to you," the pink soldier retorted.

"My Fuhrer," the lead zealot announced as he stepped out of the crowd. "We are ready to cleanse these heathens by your command."

"_Very well_," Donut said in the most dramatic voice he could possible conjure.

"Shit," Church said as he and Tucker backed away from the edge. "What are we gonna do?"

"I have an idea," Tucker proclaimed, "I'll do what France did, and you do what Britain did!" Church then turned to face the on coming pink menace with slightly more confidence. "Okay," Church stated but paused in confusion.

"...Wait, what did France do," Church asked as he looked back to see Tucker was already running off to Red Base in an area that was currently unoccupied by Donut's forces.

"Oh, you son of a bitch," Church muttered as the pink zealots aimed their weapons for he and the others at Blue Base.


	6. When Pink Falls, Part II

_Note: Since it's been so highly demanded lately for Tucker to suffer miserably for whatever reason, here you go!_

* * *

**When Pink Falls, Part II**

Ozpin was watching the war for Blood Gulch break out from Red Base, although he could not make out any fine details about the battle.

"What is going on over there," he questioned but averted his eyes to the left as he noticed Lopez walking covertly up from behind.

"I'm gonna tear you apart, old man," Lopez whispered just before Ozpin's cane came around and hit the Spanish robot upside the head. This caused Lopez to fall to the ground.

"Bad foreigner," Ozpin announced as he continuously beat Lopez while he was down.

"Ow," Lopez kept repeating, "Ow... Ow... fucking _ow_!"

* * *

Donut walked on to the roof of Blue Base while Church, Sis, and Ruby were tied up behind him. Jaune had surrendered without a fight and was simply standing still with his hands over his head.

The crowd cheered as soon as they saw Donut. "Jesus loves you, Donut," one of the zealots exclaimed.

"Aw, that's sweet of you to say," Donut said in modesty, "I know he does." Doc then ran up to Donut's side. "I'm proud to announce that we have created the worlds first environmentally safe nuclear missile!"

"Doc, how the fuck does that even work," Church questioned in shock.

"Uh, we painted it green, and wrote the word _organic_ on it," Doc informed as if Church should have already known this.

Church was stunned and did not know hot to reply. "What's a nuclear missile," asked Ruby. "They're awesomeness," Donut reminded, "Hey wait a minute," the leading pink soldier said loudly. "You guys are prisoners of war! So don't speak."

"For the record," Jaune began nervously, "It was Ruby who destroyed one of your tanks. And it was that Blue guy kept trying to shoot you with the sniper rifle but he kept missing. I didn't do anything."

"Hey," Ruby exclaimed in slight betrayal. "You didn't have to go into detail," Church muttered but quickly realized something and looked around frantically.

"Wait, where's Caboose," he questioned. "Oh, Caboose is over there talking to our tanks," informed Doc.

* * *

Caboose stood in front of the line of pink tanks and let out a shocked gasp. "_Sheila_," he whispered. "There are so many of you!"

"Lets see there's," Caboose began and looked over to the first tank in the row. "1... 2... 4... Oh wait, I messed up. 0... 1... Wait a minute," Caboose declared with a violent shake of his head. "Zero isn't a number, it's a _circle_!"

* * *

"So what shall we do now my great Fuhrer," asked the lead zealot. "Um," Donut began and pondered the possibilities for a moment.

"Well, the forces have been mobilized," Donut reminded, "So why don't we just occupy the entire canyon while we're at it?"

"Wait," a Zealot began, "Doesn't that seem a bit violent and unnecessary?" Donut slowly turned to his former comrade and abruptly grabbed him by the underside of his helmet and rapidly rang his neck. "_Get out_," Donut hissed before throwing zealot over the edge of the roof.

Donut then turned back to his more, loyal followers. "I as Fuhrer," the man of pink began, "And Chancellor of the Lightish Redist Party... Am proud to report to history, that we rock! And everyone else sucks!"

"_Heil Donut_," the crowd chanted simultaneously.

"Donut," a familiar voice called out from over the crowd. Everyone looked out to the hill to see Sarge was watching the whole event transpire with pride. "Good work, Donut," Sarge exclaimed.

"Oh thanks, Sarge," Donut replied with a wave.

"Now, how about you bring all of those pink guys over to the red team," Sarge inquired. He then ducked, dodging the round of a sniper rifle before it could hit him in the head.

"_Cease fire_," Sarge ordered as he stood upright. "Never," Donut growled and lowered the rifle he had stolen from Church. "_Blitzkrieg_," the lead zealot exclaimed, causing the rest to charge after the Red leader.

"Sir," Simmons called out from behind. "What's going on out here!?" "My God," Sarge exclaimed, "Donut's gone mad from seeing all of that pink. He doesn't even know what's red and what's blue anymore! This is almost as bad as the time I injected the artificial DNA of Skeletor into Lopez."

"Yeah, that guy literally pissed evil," Simmons announced with a sigh.

A sudden explosion then fired out from the right, "Oh this isn't good," Sarge announced.

* * *

Meanwhile, Tucker was busy running towards Red Base when he abruptly fell into a hole. "Ow, what the fuck is this," he questioned as he rolled off of his head, and sat upright to see he was now in what appeared to be a trench.

Tucker then looked ahead of himself to see 12 zealots staring at him from within the trench. "You have got to be kidding," Tucker stated aloud.

"He is an assassin who poses a threat to the Fuhrer," a zealot exclaimed. "May he fear the wrath of our holy Lightish Red justice," another yelled out before the entire group abruptly tackled Tucker.

"Ow, get the fuck off me," Tucker ordered but it was to no avail. "Oh, my God," Tucker cried, "Why is there a chicken on top of me!?"

* * *

"Fuhrer Donut," a zealot stated who was wearing a darker shade of pink along with several metals... all of them depicting Donut's face.

"Yes," Donut questioned proudly as he and Doc turned to zealot. "What can we do for you?" "i just wanted to inform you that we have created an elite regiment," the zealot replied. "It's called the _DD_!" The zealot the pointed to a group of Donut's followers who were wearing the same armor and medals.

"And what does DD stand for," asked Doc. "It stands for _Donut-Daffel_," the zealot exclaimed with pride.

"Sound's awesome," Donut began but was interrupted by a shout in the canyon. "_Donut_," Sarge yelled, "Stop this act of treachery right now!"

"Aw, but Sarge," Donut pleaded, "I'm playing Hitler!" "Play time's over, Donut," Sarge informed, "Now bring all of these new weapons over to Red Base for further analysis!"

"No," Donut stated firmly. "_What was that_," Sarge growled while Simmons backed away slowly as he knew how violent Sarge became at the very sight of insubordination.

"I said... NO," Donut repeated more slowly. "Dag-nabbit," Sarge snapped, "Donut, you're grounded! Now go back to your quarters on the _pronto_!"

"You can't tell me what to do," Donut retorted, "I'm a Fuhrer now!" "You're the Fuhrer of an army of maniacs," Sarge corrected.

"I'm sorry," Donut sassed while placing his hands on his hips. "But I didn't catch that!" "Oh, do you need me to repeat," Sarge asked casually.

"No! I'm saying, I don't speak _communist_," Donut exclaimed which confused Sarge immensely. "Owned dude," a zealot called out, "You just got fucking owned, old man!"

"That's right," Donut agreed and threw his hand in the air flamboyantly, "Team USA!" With that said three red, white, and blue explosions fired off from behind Blue Base.

"Uh," Doc began in confusion, "Where did those cool fireworks come from?" "I had em installed like... 12 minutes ago," Donut informed.

"Donut," Sarge began, "I think we should work this out before you seriously piss me off."

"Deal," Donut agreed with a nod.

* * *

_(5 Hours Later)_

"So we're all clear on the terms," Donut finally announced. "We will withdraw and occupy the caves. And we also get to keep the prisoners."

"No, I want the prisoner," Sarge informed, assuming they only had one prisoner which he knew was Ruby because he had not seen her in some time.

"_Ugh_... fine," Donut sighed, "But this isn't the last you will hear of the Lightish Redist Party!"

With that said, Donut and Doc lead the way to the caves while the pink war machine followed.

"Oh, thank God," Grif sighed as he walked up next to Simmons. "At first I though I was gonna have to fight all of those guys, and Donut!"

"Shut up, fat ass," Simmons growled and ran off back to the base.


	7. Aftermath

**Aftermath**

Sarge and Simmons walked up to Blue Base while Donut's army was already halfway up to the caves.

"Goddammit," Sarge groaned as he noticed Church and Sis were also held prisoner. "Donut," Sarge called out but to no avail as the pink Fuhrer could not hear him, "You can have some of the prisoners!"

"Thanks Sarge," Church stated and waited to be untied. "Sir," Simmons began, "Why don't we just keep Ruby and leave the Blues tied up here?"

"Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me," Church exclaimed. "Cool," Sis exclaimed, "I've always wanted to be held in bondage over night, it's kinda hot."

"You're worse than the teal guy," Ruby stated as she moved away to the best of her ability. "Sarge," Church pleaded, "Come on man, this is not cool."

"Simmons," Sarge stated proudly, "You are a true genus. Now, go untie Ruby on the pronto!" "On it, sir," Simmons replied before running over to do as told.

"This is bullshit," Church groaned. "And what about that other guy," Church questioned and gestured for the cowardly boy with his hands still held in the air.

Sarge turned to examine him, "What's you're name, son," he inquired as he cocked his shotgun. "My name is Jaune," he exclaimed in a nervous tone.

"_Jaune_," Sarge asked and the boy nodded. "And why didn't you die defending your base like an honorable soldier? You look like you just surrendered without a fight."

Jaune slowly lowered his hands and prepared to run off, "I was... _uh_..." "I think you'll soon find out how we treat cowards around here," Sarge informed darkly as he aimed the shotgun at Jaune's head.

"Sarge, what are you doing," Grif asked from behind as he had just walked onto the roof of Blue Base.

"I'm trying to readjust the sights on my shotgun," Sarge informed and as he lowered the weapon Jaune was completely gone.

"Where'd he run off to in such a hurry," asked Sarge. "Probably to hide in a hole somewhere and cry," Grif replied and jumped off of the roof. "Whatever," he said lazily, "I'm gonna go watch some TV."

"Good luck," Simmons called back which caused Grif to stop in his tracks. "What," the orange soldier inquired.

Simmons ran over to the edge of the roof and looked down to his comrade. "Donut intercepted the satellite and now all we get are his propaganda movies," Simmons called out.

"No fucking way," Grif said in horror, "_Donut_ is in control of the media!? I don't believe it." "Go flip it on then," Simmons retorted, "I saw those weird zealot guys painting the satellite pink and relaunching it into orbit."

"This can't be happening," Grif exclaimed and scurried off in the direction of Red Base.

Simmons then turned back to Ruby. "Hey you," he began, "Go and find that guy who just ran away." "Okay," Ruby replied and walked off.

"Simmons," Sarge stated grimly, "I think today might have been the first sign of our inevitable downfall."

"Why would you say that sir," asked Simmons. "Your great leadership as made us the best army in the canyon. Until Donut came along, that is."

"I know Simmons," Sarge replied, "But unless we can sign some mutual defense treaty with Donut, I don't think the Red Army will last much longer."

Simmons' head immediately lifted up in excitement. "Ew, can I be your ambassador," the maroon soldier questioned hopefully.

"Alright Simmons," Sarge began, "You are now the official ambassador of the Red Army! Now go and make me proud." "Yes sir," Simmons stated and started for the caves before he stopped himself.

"Uh sir," he asked, "What are you going to be doing?" "Somebody has to stay behind and create a laser defense system in case Donut tries to conquer us again," Sarge informed.

* * *

Jaune was running on a ledge, which was dangerously close to the caves where Donut's war machine had retreated.

"Oh no," Jaune said quietly as he notice two Donut-Daffel officers walking his way. He hid behind a large rock, knowing they had not spotted him yet.

Eventually the two soldiers walked past the rock but stopped dead in there tracks as they noticed Jaune sitting there.

"What is this," one of the zealots questioned loudly, which caused Jaune to flinch. "He is an impure sole," the other zealot exclaimed. "He has come for the Fuhrer's blood!"

"No," Jaune retorted, "I'm just lost." "I will eat your lungs," the first zealot screamed, "And give your rib cage to the Fuhrer as a house warming present!"

The other zealot abruptly took out a flamethrower and pointed it at Jaune's head. "I shall cleanse your mind in this divine fire!"

Jaune immediately let out a high pitched scream and ran in the opposite direction. "After him," one of the zealots called out.

As Jaune cleared a good distance between the DD grunts and himself another zealot ran out of nowhere and tackled him as if he were on a football field.

"Ah," Jaune squealed while the other two zealots surrounded him. "Good work private," one of them stated, "We shall take this swine to the Fuhrer for judgment!"

* * *

In the caves, Doc walked up to Donut who was observing a tactical map of Blood Gulch that had been stapled to a large rock.

"Hey Donut," Doc began cheerfully, "What are you doing?" "I'm planning our next move," Donut replied. "The Reds and Blues have complete control on the surface," the pink leader continued. "I think if we send the _Luft-Donut_ for bombing raids, we could easily gain a _fabulous_ advantage."

"Okay," Doc replied slowly, "I've been thinking and I was wondering what my job here was," the medic continued curiously.

"What do you mean," asked Donut, all you have to do is give me an intro and an outro for all of my speeches."

"Yeah," Doc replied, "But maybe I could be more useful preforming medical research." "Ugh," Donut began, "But if you're doing that, then who will talk about how great I am before I start talking in front of a large crowd!?"

"I can still do that too," Doc informed, "But I have nothing else to do around here.

Donut let out a defeated sigh as he realized Doc was right. "Alright you are now the official head of my medical team," Donut announced which caused Doc to squeal in joy.

At that moment, three DD troops walked in while pulling Jaune by the ear. "Heil you," the first zealot announced and threw his right arm in the air. "What do we have here," Donut asked as he scolded Jaune.

"We believe he is an unholy spy, my Fuhrer," the officer replied. "Ew," Doc began, "He can be my apart of my first experiment! I just need a pain killer of some sort." "We don't have any," the zealot informed.

"Is that crucial," asked Donut. "Nah," Doc replied, "He'll only need it for one part of the experiment." "What part is that," Jaune asked fearfully.

"Oh, the experiment part," Doc replied.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ozpin was observing all of this from the roof of Red Base. "Well, that is unfortunate," he murmured to himself while Lopez pointed a rocket launcher to his head from behind. "I suppose those pink soldiers will kill him; so I'll set up a funeral for Jaune when I return."

Ozpin's monologue was interrupted as he ducked just when Lopez fired a rocket at him. Ozpin swiftly stood up and hit Lopez across the head with his cane. The Spanish robot immediately fell to the ground and did not stand back up.

After a few moments Ozpin could hear an explosion on the other side of the canyon. "_Ow Caboose, that fucking hurt_," Church's voice called out and echoed across the canyon.

"Tucker did it," Caboose shouted back after a short interval of silence.

"Hmm," Ozpin began and turned to Lopez. "Alright foreigner," he said firmly. "Tell me, is Ruby here too?"

"Up yours old man," Lopez snapped and was quickly whacked by Ozpin's cane. "In English," Ozpin demanded.

"Professor," a voice asked from afar. Ozpin looked up to see Ruby had just walked onto the roof. "How did you get here," she asked.

"Never mind that," Ozpin retorted hastily, "I'm leaving now. But do me a favor and go retrieve Jaune. He is held in captivity in those caves over there," Ozpin informed.

"Wait," Ruby stated in confusion but Ozpin simply walked through the portal which immediately shut down behind him.


	8. Donut TV

_Note: Because a few people wanted a certain RWBY character involved, I gave her a brief appearance. Also, someone gave me an idea to put O'Malley in this story. I would have loved to, but since this story is currently wrapping up I really can't._

* * *

**Donut TV**

Ruby walked into Grif's room, while the orange soldier was watching his television with despair as pink characters danced on the screen.

"Hey," she asked, "Have you seen Jaune anywhere?" "Fuck, whoever that is," Grif retorted and pointed to the television.

"Can you believe this," he asked loudly. "Do you see what is playing on the screen!?"

Ruby turned and watched the television for a moment.

* * *

_(On Screen)_

Donut walked heroically onto a cliff, and faced another soldier in red who was standing over the edge. Anyone watching this scene could clearly see it was done on a stage rather than filmed on the canyon walls.

"_Ah_," the man in red armor said in a cheesy, sadistic tone. "Fuhrer Donut. My archenemy," the red soldier growled.

"Oh yeah," Donut informed with a nod, and the most masculine voice he could produce. "I've learned of your evil plans, _Dr. Commie_! And now I'm here to stop you."

"Not so fast... Fuhrer," Dr. Commie began. "But my bomb is about to steal your wealth, and there's nothing you can do to stop it!"

"That's where you're wrong," Donut exclaimed. "It just so happens that I know your greatest weakness. Which is convent because it's my greatest weapon."

"And what would that be," Dr. Commie inquired.

"Mein Fuhrer," a voice called out from below the canyon, where a crowd of zealots watched. "Do you want your loyal followers to deal with this threat?"

"Nah," Donut replied, "He's all mine... _again_!"

Donut then ripped his shirt off and flexed his _metaphorical_ muscles. "_No_," Dr. Commie screamed and fell to the ground. "It's just too... _sexy_," he struggled to say before audibly killing over.

"My Fuhrer," the lead zealot yelled out cheerfully, while his comrades cheered. "You have single handily defeated communism once more! What will you do now!?"

"I think," Donut began in a pondering manner. "I shall take a nap." For no explainable reason, Donut and his followers abruptly started laughing and the screen cut to black with the word, '_FIN_' in bold letters.

* * *

_(Off Screen)_

"What has the world come to," asked a flabbergasted Grif. "First we get overrun by an army of roided-up roosters. Then your dumb ass shows up," Grif said as he pointed accusingly to Ruby. "Then Donut creates a neo-fascist regime, and takes control of the media! I don't understand it anymore."

"Okay," Ruby replied slowly and backed out of the room.

Ruby walked outside of Red Base where Simmons and Sarge were standing by the warthog.

"Don't forget, Simmons," Sarge began. "When you see Donut, just ask for a mutual defense treaty. Oh! And don't forget to talk about how great the Red Team is!"

"I've got it handled, sir," Simmons reassured. Sarge and Simmons then noticed Ruby standing in the distance. "Yo," Simmons stated before hopping in the warthog and driving off.

"Ruby," Sarge ordered which caused her to jump slightly. "I need you to round up all of the Mexican Spartans and feed em that super growth food I just bought on eBay."

"But I'm trying to find," Ruby began but was cut off by the loud noise caused by Sarge cocking his shotgun. "That's an order," he growled and walked off towards the base.

"Yes, Mr. Sarge," Ruby groaned in defeat.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lopez was still working on the teleporter when Tucker sunk up onto the roof.

"Hey amigo," he said loudly. "Get the fuck out of here blue guy," Lopez retorted but to no avail as Tucker simply assumed Lopez was complementing him.

"Yo Lopez," Tucker continued, "Is there anyway you can beam me up some fine ass ladies to spend the rest of the evening with?"

"Screw off, dead man," Lopez murmured but stopped himself as he noticed a figure was about to come through the portal.

Eventually a woman with red hair, green eyes, and odd armor walked out of the portal. "No bueno," Lopez announced with a shake of his head.

"What is this place," the red haired woman asked aloud and examined the canyon afar; which was filled with either an army of roosters, or a bunch of guys running around in pink armor.

"Oh," Tucker began as he eyed her up. "You're looking good in that... uh, getup. But I'd bet you'd look even better _without_ it. Bow Chicka Bow Wow!"

"Um," the woman stated slowly but something near the caves caught her attention. She remained completely oblivious to Lopez, who was preparing to knock her out and throw her back into the portal.

"What is that," she questioned and pointed to the entrance to the caves.

Tucker turned in the said direction to see Donut speaking very harshly over a microphone while a single pink flag waved behind him.

"Oh, ignore that," Tucker stated perversely, "And start paying attention to me, because I'm about to blow your fucking mind."

Before the red haired woman could reply, Lopez hit her over the head with the stock of his rifle and threw her back into the portal. "What the fuck, Lopez," Tucker yelled, "I almost had her!"

"Nope," Lopez stated as he returned to work on the portal. "Whatever man," Tucker began and picked up a small tank of petrol, "At least I found this fuel for the flamethrower. Now to make some fine ass KFC!"

* * *

Simmons parked the warthog just a few yards away from two zealots who were patrolling the outside perimeter of the caves.

"Excuse me," Simmons called out which caused the two zealots to walk up to him. "Yeah, what's up," asked the grunt on the left.

"I'm here on behalf of the Red Army," Simmons informed. "I was hoping to see Donut with regards to a mutual defense treaty."

"The Fuhrer is currently filming another movie," the zealot on the left informed. "Would you mind waiting until here until we can arrange a meeting." "Ugh," Simmons stated gloomy as he had just realized he was literally arranging an appointment to talk to Donut.

"Yeah, that's fine," he finally replied in defeat.

* * *

Elsewhere, Ruby noticed a DD grunt sitting on a rock, near the cliff wall which lead to the caves. She approached him cautiously.

"Hi," she said loudly to gain his attention. "Halt," the DD member stated as he jumped to his feet and aimed an assault rifle at the girl in red.

"State you reason for being this close the Fuhrer Bunker," the zealot demanded. "I think you guys might have a friend of mine in that cave up there," Ruby informed. "His name is Jaune. If I could take him off your hands..."

"Sorry miss," the zealot interrupted, "But the Fuhrer has ordered all war prisoners to be locked away in the _Happy Camp_."

"What's the Happy Camp," Ruby inquired with a curious expression. "Only Donut-Daffel officers and higher have access to the Happy Camp," the zealot informed. "I'm sorry but you may not move any further then where you stand now."

Ruby let out a defeated sigh and walked off, "Okay," she murmured in disappointment. As she stepped out of the sight of the DD grunt, Ruby heard a disturbance from behind a nearby rock.

"Ouch," a voice exclaimed and Ruby immediately ran around to the back of the rock. She quickly noticed Caboose sitting down next to a large rooster.

"You are very mean Mr. Duck," he stated loudly. "I was just trying to feed you a bread crumb which I ate on accident... _sorry_."

"Hey," Ruby began and Caboose turned to her. "What's your name?"

"My name is Caboose," the blue soldier declared. "And you're that new girl on Red Team!"

"Yeah," Ruby nodded, hoping she would at least be able to make one friend during her time at Blood Gulch. "My name's Ruby. Uh, would you happen to know a way into the caves."

"Yes," Caboose replied cheerfully and stood up. "You have to walk into them."

"No, that's not what I meant," Ruby informed. "Is there any _secret_ way in?" "I think so," said Caboose, "Come on, I'll show you! I love adventures."

* * *

_(On Screen)_

Donut stood tall on the set of living room where 3 other zealots stood in the middle of the room. "And I told him," Donut continued, "It's not pink. It's lightish red!"

With that said, everyone started laughing simultaneously, until the zealots threw their right arms in the air, "Heil Donut," they all said through their own hysteria.

* * *

_(Off Screen)_

Grif buried his head into his palms hopelessly.

"Hey dirt bag," Sarge announced as he entered the room. "What are you doing?"

"I'm watching this shitty sitcoms Donut created," Grif replied, "I swear, if I see another one I'm gonna throw up."

"Oh," said an uninterested Sarge. "Well cut it out! I need you to come and clean all the chicken shit off my bed so I can take a nap."

"Ugh, yes sir," Grif mumbled and walked out of the room.


	9. World War Pink

_Note: I hope everyone is ready for the last chapter because it's going to be, 'Fabulous!'_

* * *

**World War Pink**

Caboose and Ruby were moving cautiously up towards a side cave that was not used or even heard of by Donut's grunts.

"This is the place I was telling you about, Emerald," Caboose informed. "Uh, it's Ruby," the girl in red replied.

"What's a Ruby," Caboose questioned loudly. "That's just my name," Ruby informed. "But I know Ruby is also in the dictionary," Caboose retorted. "So is Caboose," said Ruby.

"Oh wow, you mean my name is in the dictionary," Caboose practically yelled in excitement which caused Ruby to panic and search the area for anyone who may have heard the two.

"Shh, lower your voice," Ruby pleaded. "Okie dokie," Caboose replied quietly. He then lead the way through the rather small tunnel.

They eventually came to a larger tunnel that was illuminated by lights hanging from the ceiling, and a line of pink tiles on the floor.

The two sat there for a moment, confused as to which way they should go. "I think we should go to the left." "But this way leads further into the caves," Ruby replied as she pointed to the right. "Okay, I think we should go to the right," Caboose stated with an approving nod.

"Uh, alright," Ruby said slowly and walked forward, Caboose followed her carelessly.

They soon came to a slightly open doorway and heard audible voices from inside. "Ew," Caboose said in a _not_ so quiet tone. "I bet we can ask those people for directions," he said before Ruby shushed him and peaked into the room.

Inside, she saw Donut standing in the middle of the room with a guitar. There were several other DD grunts standing in the room with their own instruments, while an average zealot stood at the head of the room.

"Alright my Fuhrer, this is your album so what do you want to put on there next," the zealot questioned.

"I think we need more cowbell," one of the DD grunts announced. "Nah, we've had enough cowbell for one album," Donut replied.

"Just let me cut myself and we'll do some Marilyn Manson covers," Donut continued as he sat the guitar on the floor and walked out of the room. He used the second door on the opposite wall from where Caboose and Ruby were at.

* * *

As Donut stepped out of the room he was immediately confronted by the lead zealot who quickly threw his right hand in the air. "Heil mein Fuhrer," he exclaimed. "Yes," Donut said in a heroic tone, "What is it?"

"My Fuhrer," the zealot began, "The maroon soldier from Red Team wishes to sign a treaty with us."

"Oh cool, Simmons is here," asked a more cheerful Donut. "Go ahead and have him meet me in the lobby."

"Do you want me to send him to the new lobby," the zealot asked, "Or the old lobby?" "Have him go to the fabulous lobby," Donut replied.

"Right away," the zealot said with a nod and walked off.

* * *

Meanwhile, Caboose and Ruby were creeping through the caves, but for some reason they were the only ones in the area.

Ruby eventually came to a stop and scratched her head.

"Which way do we go," she asked. Caboose looked around and spotted a tunnel leading of to the right which had a sign labeled, "_Medical Bay_."

"Maybe your friend is in there," Caboose stated and pointed towards the tunnel. Ruby simply shrugged her shoulders, "It's worth a try."

* * *

Doc walked into a room where Jaune was strapped to a hospital bed.

"Hey guy," Doc began cheerfully and picked up a clipboard on a nearby table. "What are you going to do to me," Jaune asked in terror.

"I don't know," Doc admitted carelessly, "Probably something traumatizing." Doc then realized a few things were missing from the side table. "Hey, I hope you don't mind but I forgot a few of my torture... uh, I mean _tools_."

Jaune gave a terrified whimper as Doc walked towards the door. "So," the medic continued, "I'm just gonna leave you completely unattended for a conveniently long period of time, and I'm also gonna leave the door unlocked. I will also assume nobody will take advantage of the lack of security and try to rescue you."

Doc stopped himself just as he opened the door and turned back to Jaune. "I'll be in the break room! They have a soda machine in there. Do you want anything?"

Jaune calmed down for a moment to think about this. "I'll take a water," he finally requested. "Alright," Doc replied, "Do you want a lime or something with it?" "Uh, do you have lemon," asked Jaune, completely forgetting the fact that the probability of him surviving for the rest of the day was very slim.

"Oh yeah, we've got lemons, limes, grapes, pickles, carrots..." "Huh," Jaune asked in confusion. He had no idea why anyone would want to put grapes, pickles, or even carrots in there water. "No thanks," he stated dismissively, "Just a lemon."

"Alright," Doc said but stopped himself once more as he remembered something else. "Do you just want a lemonade?" "Oh, that's even better," Jaune said excitedly.

"Great, one lemonade coming right up," Doc replied in a cheerful manner before leaving the room completely.

As soon as the door closed Jaune lied his head back on the bed, as he was much more relaxed now. "Well," he said to himself with a shrug of his shoulders. "If I'm gonna die I might as well make it as enjoyable as possible."

* * *

Doc closed the door and walked down the tunnel. As soon as he was out of range, Ruby and Caboose stepped carefully out of a dark corner, and tiptoed to the doorway.

Ruby gave a gesture and Caboose reluctantly understood it, and opened the door.

Jaune looked up and his face immediately adopted a hopeful expression.

"Caboose, can you stand in the hallway and tell me if anyone is coming," Ruby asked. "Absolutely Sapphire," Caboose said with a salute. "It's Ruby," the girl replied with a sigh but gave up as she knew it was no use.

* * *

Donut walked into the '_Fabulous Lobby_,' where Simmons had already taken a seat on a luxurious, pink rock.

Several of Donut's DD henchmen were armed and keeping an eye on the ambassador or Red Team. They all saluted and Donut entered the room. The pink Fuhrer lifted his hand in the air casually, before taking a seat on nearby rock.

"Hey Simmons, how's it going," he asked cheerfully. "Donut," Simmons began truthfully, "Have you gone crazy or something. Seriously, this is freaking nuts!"

"Well that's a rude thing for a guest to say," Donut informed. Simmons rolled his eyes as he realized this was Donut he was speaking to. "Look," Simmons said tiredly. "Sarge wants you to sign off on a mutual defense treaty so we can destroy the blues."

Donut remained quiet for a moment and Simmons could literally hear crickets in the background. "Mutual defense means, if we attack someone, you have to help," Simmons informed. "_Oh_," Donut said with an understanding nod.

He would have continued but a DD officer stepped into the room and leaned into Donut. "My Fuhrer," he murmured. "Doc has just reported that our captured spy has just broken out of the medical bay. We've also spotted one of the blue soldiers and that new girl from Red Team running off with him."

Donut then stood up dramatically. "What's wrong," asked Simmons. "Simmons, you're no longer aloud to stay for the sleepover," Donut informed. "Because we are officially at war!"


	10. The Enigma of Blood Gulch

_Note: Well, the last chapter is here. I hope you all enjoyed this story and please let me know on your final thoughts. Oh, and I wasn't planning on making a sequel but if I get enough requests I'll do it._

* * *

**The Enigma of Blood Gulch**

Tucker approached an unexpected rooster with his flamethrower in hand. "Damn, I can't wait to eat your dumb ass," he informed.

A loud whistling could then be heard from the air and it quickly grew louder until a rocket abruptly hit the ground in front of the teal soldier, causing the chicken to explode into feathers.

"Oh shit," Tucker shouted and fell back into a sitting position. He looked over in the direction of the caves and to his surprise. An entire artillery battery was lined up across the canyon wall. At the bottom floor of the canyon in that direction, Donut's soldiers were scurrying around like a disturbed nest of ants.

"Attention Blood Gulch," Donut's voice rang out through speakers that were placed throughout the canyon. "You suck! Surrender now and we wont shoot you," he continued. "That will be all," Donut said the last line in his usual cheerful tone before he cut the speakers off.

Another five artillery shells landed all around Tucker. "Holy fuck," he yelled and jumped to his feet before running off towards Blue Base.

As he ran he soon met up with Ruby, Caboose, and Jaune who were also headed in the same direction. "Yo," Tucker called out. "Oh, hi Mr. Tucker," Ruby replied over the sound of machine guns.

"Bitch, what the fuck did you do," Tucker asked as he knew she and Caboose must have caused this in some way. "I was just trying to rescue Jaune," Ruby informed.

"Thanks a lot," Tucker growled. They soon came to the entrance of Blue Base and leaped inside before several artillery shells landed in the area.

Tucker and Ruby took cover behind the right wall just next to the entrance while Jaune and Caboose hid on the opposite side.

"Oh, my God," a voice asked from behind, "What the fuck is going on?" Everyone turned to see Church standing in a very disorientated manner.

"Church," Tucker exclaimed, "Donut's gone ape shit and is invading the entire canyon!" "Are you serious," Church questioned in shock. "Let me go get my sniper rifle."

With that Church darted off. "Yeah," Tucker began in sarcasm, "Because that always works out."

* * *

Simmons ran into the main room of Red Base in a frenzy. Grif was busy chasing chickens around with a broom when he stopped at the sight of the maroon soldier.

"Simmons," Grif stated in a hushed tone. "Keep it down, Sarge is taking a nap." Just as he said this a barrage of artillery shells hit the roof of the bunker.

"Who's making all that racket," Sarge's voice called out from another room. "Grif," Simmons exclaimed. "Donut's attacking the Blue Base." "From the sound of it he's attacking us too," Grif announced.

"Would you just go tell Sarge," Simmons pleaded. Grif let out a defeated sigh, "Alright, but he wont be happy about waking up."

* * *

Meanwhile, Sis and Church and joined Tucker in the struggle for defending Blue Base. A large number of DD grunts had already dug trenches on the outside and the Blue Team where completely encircled.

"I can't believe this," Church murmured in anger as he kept poking his head out of cover to shoot. "Why the hell is Donut attacking us? Why the hell does Donut even have an army!?"

"That's what I don't get," Tucker replied, "Where are all of these pink guys coming from." "They're kind of hot," Sis interrupted.

Everyone stared at her for a moment before resuming what they were already doing. "Uh, Tucker," Church said with intimidation as he aimed the sniper rifle off into the canyon. "Yeah, what's up," the teal soldier questioned.

"Since when does Donut have an air force," Church asked. Indeed, there were several pink jets flying above that Church was watching through his scope. "Don't you remember," Tucker inquired, "He was talking about it the first time he attacked us which was like... three hours ago. He has a navy and an air force."

"How is this even possible to do in just one day," Church whispered just before he was shot in the head by a montage of machine gun fire. His body hit the floor but as expected, the transparent spirit of Church was still standing.

"Ha, ha," Tucker mocked while Ruby and Jaune shrieked at the sight. "What the hell is wrong with you guys," Church asked while scolding the two. "You act like you've never seen a ghost before."

"I think I need to change my pants," Caboose announced.

"I need to change my pants too," Sis added, "But for a different reason." "_Yeah_," Tucker replied without interest, "Wait what?"

Soon enough, the Red Team made there usual appearance by jumping over the hill in there warthog while blaring the their signature Mexican rock music.

The vehicle came to a halt just before running into a nearby trench. Sarge, Simmons, and Grif quickly jumped out and onto the ground.

"Yeah, feel the wrath maggots," Sarge cheered. "Suck it blue," Simmons called out. "Ugh, I'm just glad to be on the _winning_ side for once," Grif said with a satisfied shrug of his shoulders.

"Reds," Church's voice called out, "You have to help us!" "Never," Sarge retorted. Church did not have time to make a response as two jets flew down over Blue Base and dropped several bombs.

The metal death machines immediately combusted where they landed and it took a few moments for the fire to clear.

"Are we literally being firebombed right now," Church asked aloud. "You know it, douche bags," Simmons replied.

Just as he said this a rocket came by and hit the warthog. For the first second or so the Red Team did not move. "Hey, make some room in there," Sarge finally ordered as he ran toward the Blue Base.

"Yeah, move your fat asses," Simmons agreed and he along with Grif followed suit.

* * *

In the caves, Donut walked into his '_Central Command_,' where several zealots were typing away on their computers.

Doc then walked into the room and threw his right hand in the air casually, "Heil you," he stated. "What's up Doc," asked a gleeful Donut.

"The canyon will soon be ours," Doc informed, "We've got the reds and blues backed up in a corner and the DD are doing everything they can to flush them out."

"Cool, I don't even know what that means, but it sounds _cool_," Donut said with a nod. "Mein Fuhrer," a zealot said aloud and the pink leader walked over to him.

"Yes, what is it, soldier," Donut asked in the most masculine voice he could procure. "Sir," the zealot began and pointed to his monitor. "I am monitoring the eBay auction of the first action figure wed have created of you. Everything was going well until someone from Poland asked if the figure comes in any color but... _pink_."

"Those were his exact words," Donut inquired in a darker tone. "Yes my Fuhrer," the zealot assured with a nod. "How do you know he's Polish," asked Donut.

"His user name was _Polish4Life_," the zealot informed. "Track his IP address," Donut ordered, "This is clearly a declaration of war!"

"Sir," another zealot said aloud, "I have just traced him to a small town in Sweden." "Sweden," asked Donut and the zealot nodded.

"They must be trying to confuse us," Donut stated, "But I can see through their evil ways. Very well, we shall invade Poland! They brought this on themselves."

"_Heil_," the zealots all said simultaneously.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the last line of defense for the non-pink soldiers at Blood Gulch, the fighting was slowly dying down.

"They're not bombing us anymore," Ruby announced. "Yeah," Sarge agreed, "And it sounds like they've stopped shooting too."

Church slowly peaked around the corner and nobody was around. The tanks had pulled out and the DD grunts had completely abandoned the trenches.

Church then realized that Donut's following had returned to the surrounding areas around the caves.

"Hey," he said as he stood up. "Everybody left." "Are you sure," asked Tucker. "Yeah, come on," Church replied and lead the way out of the base.

Everyone else followed. They headed over to where Donut's army was gathering. "Ruby," Sarge said in a growl which immediately caught the girl's attention.

"I cannot believe you would betray the Red Team by hiding out in blue territory!" "I wasn't," Ruby began but was cut off. "I agree with Sarge," Simmons interrupted. "You're a traitor!"

"Are you guys serious," Church asked in shock as he abruptly came to a halt. "Donut chased us all into that bunker! He invaded the canyon, blew up your jeep, constantly tried to kill you, occupied your base, and did I mention him firebombing us!? And you guys are calling her a traitor?"

"Absolutely," Sarge replied and continued to scold Ruby. "After all, I gave her specific orders to round up all the chickens and put them back in the coop, but I still see the little bastards everywhere."

"Sorry Sarge," Ruby replied, "I'll go and do that right now." With that, the girl in red walked off. "Oh, I almost forgot," Sarge called out which caused Ruby to stop and turn around. "I think Lopez has finally fixed the portal so when you're done with that then we expect you to leave." Ruby let out a sigh, "Yes sir," she groaned and trotted off.

The rest of the group walked up to the crowd, surprisingly the pink soldiers did not seem to care. "What's going on," Church asked as he leaned into one of the zealots. "Oh, the mighty Fuhrer has ordered a ceasefire between us," the grunt informed. "Because we're officially at war with Poland."

"What," Grif exclaimed loudly which led everyone to turn to him. Donut was standing on a rock and waved at the group. "Hi guys," he said cheerfully. "We're going to Europe so we'll see you around!"

Donut then turned and faced the crowed. "Alright guys," he stated, "Now go out there and show them it's not pink!" "_It's lightish red_," the crowd chanted before scattering and running back into the caves where transport awaited.

Donut jumped down from the rock and he along with his henchman Doc walked over to the reds and blues.

"What's up," Donut asked. "Donut, what the fuck is going on," Grif questioned. "Well Poland totally declared war on us so now we have to go and fight this Goliath of a nation," Donut replied.

"Goliath," Tucker repeated. "Poland doesn't even have an army anymore." "Hey, they shouldn't have started all of this," Donut insisted. "Well, Doc and I have to go spread the word of Lightish Redism to the entire world. But maybe we'll meet again some day!"

With that Donut ran off. "Why do I not doubt that," Simmons asked himself. "See you guys," Doc called out as he too ran back into the caves.

"Hey," Sis called out from behind, "You guys are getting transferred!" "Ugh," Grif began, ignoring the comment. "Sarge, permission to go to bed early today?" "Granted," Sarge said reluctantly which shocked Grif but he wasted no time debating. "I'm about to do the same," Sarge informed and started for Red Base but stopped in his tracks.

"Oh, Simmons," Sarge called out. "Yes sir," Simmons asked. "Be sure that Ruby gets the hell out of here after she finishes her work. I'm starting to think she's bad luck so we need to get her out of here as soon as possible."

"Yes sir," Simmons repeated with a salute.

"Um, can I go ahead and leave now," Jaune inquired nervously while the group watched Grif and Sarge leave the scene.

"Who are you again," Simmons questioned.

* * *

Hours later would pass. Ruby had finally rounded up the last of the chickens while everyone else had gone to bed. Donut's army was all but present here in this empty canyon that was full of life just this morning. Jaune had even left as well.

"Does the sun ever set here," she asked as it was beating down on her constantly. So much so that she now had a rather irritating headache.

Simmons had even come out to help her for a short time before returning to his bunker for the metaphorical night.

Ruby had the last four chickens in a cage, and was carrying it in the direction of the caves which still had all sorts of relics from Donut's regime stashed inside.

She abruptly tripped over a rock and once she hit the hot sand the cage fell apart, allowing the chickens to scurry off. It would take her a good hour or two just to hunt them all down again.

"Ow," Ruby groaned as she sat up. She looked to the ground after noticing a glimmer in the sand. She dug around and eventually pulled out a pink coin with Donut's face on it. Around the edges read the phrase, "_5 Donut Marks_."

Ruby raised her eyebrow at this awkward coin but placed it inside her sleeve for a souvenir. Something by which she will be able to remember the place where she was introduced to so many interesting people for such a short time. This place being an enigma known only as, _Blood Gulch_.

**FIN**


	11. Sequel Announcement!

I would now like to announce that I will be writing a sequel for Blood Gulch. I don't really know what I'm gonna call it yet, or when I'm going to start writing it. However, I will update this story again once it's released. I've decided that it will follow Donut's campaign across Europe, and at the same time, follow Sarge as he leads the Red team to confront Ruby in her home world. If anyone would like to suggest anything for the next story, please PM or leave the ideas in the review section.


	12. Sequel is Here!

I planned on releasing this story much later, but since everyone started giving me ideas so I decided to start it now. So, by the time you read this I would have already published, Voodoo Boys. Enjoy!


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